Catharsis

ca·thar·sis [ kə th rssiss ]

1. emotional release: an experience or feeling of spiritual release and purification brought about by an intense emotional experience
2. emotional purification through Greek tragedy: according to Aristotle, a purifying of the emotions that is brought about in the audience of a tragic drama through the evocation of intense fear and pity
3. psychological purging of complexes: in psychology, the process of bringing to the surface repressed emotions, complexes, and feelings in an effort to identify and relieve them, or the result of this process

Synonyms: release, purification, cleansing, purging, liberation, freeing up

Catharsis is choosing the experiences that cause our pain to rise to the surface of our consciousness so it can be released. Some ways of achieving this are:

* Talking about our feelings.
* Self expression through artwork, dance, music, writing, such as keeping a journal, etc.
* Confronting painful situations e.g. visiting a friend with a new baby.


"I found that writing about my pain took the sting out of the memory."



Catharsis is like opening a relief valve to allow pressure to escape, leaving the level of remaining feelings more comfortable to live with.

Feel free to leave a comment how you released some grief today...sharing helps others learn ways to grieve.

Finding Closure

Some have described it as a feeling of peacefulness or returning contentment. Others talk about a "desire to let go and move on". Eventually there comes a day we can look back and think "I have not felt sad" or "I have not felt that awful empty pain inside me for some time" or "being able to laugh and look forward again without feeling guilty and to really think about things other than our loss."


"Although there never is a line drawn that says 'grief ends here', when dealt with in a healthy way it does eventually transmute into a form which we can live with. I remember with great clarity, when long after my miscarriage a chance remark reminded me of my loss and I really sobbed to exhaustion. At the time I thought my response inappropriate because it had all happened so long ago. But I now know in retrospect that it was the turning point towards a deeper level of acceptance. It felt like a cleansing of the guilt and hurt and the shadow of that gradually dissipated afterwards.

I finally came to that place where the intermittent memories were good ones and comforted myself that my baby's soul had gone on growing after it had left my body and was happy and adjusted somewhere. Perhaps even vicariously part of the family as we often think of other dead relatives - I'm sure my mother is at family celebrations and sorrows. It felt okay to put my baby's soul to rest and no longer a betrayal or denial of her or his brief existence. She or he would always be a part of us through memory."



Even once the grieving process appears to us to be complete it is not uncommon for some of the feelings of loss to return, perhaps on the baby's due date or on the anniversary of the miscarriage. Sometimes, later over the years, something said, thought or done can trigger sad memories. However, if the grieving process has been dealt with in a healthy way, these "anniversary phenomenon" feelings and unexpected reminders should be brief and not overwhelming. If they still are, it would be helpful to have a few sessions with a counselor to better come to terms with your old loss and find a place in your mind where you are at peace with it. Although we never really forget, eventually there is a point of calm acceptance for most people and acknowledgment that the experience changed their lives, also realizing it added to their understanding and compassion for others. It can be helpful too, to deliberately remember and give yourself the space to do so if you need it. Perhaps honor your little baby’s lost life by visiting a website, lighting a candle and/or attending a ceremony on worldwide ‘Baby Loss Day’ of the 15th October which is held each year.

Tips for Pregnancy after Pregnancy or Infant loss

The following is a list of coping tips suggested by parents who have had a successful pregnancy after loss. Many of these tips would apply to those going through a pregnancy after infertility treatments or any high-risk pregnancy.

If you have any suggestions to add to our list, please email me! asafeplacetogrieve@yahoo.com

• Find support from whomever and wherever you can. Take advantage of support groups or from someone who has had a successful subsequent pregnancy so that you can visualize a positive outcome after tragedy. Support from parents who have survived pregnancy loss or infertility treatments can be a valuable resource.

• Most everyone feels they have sufficiently coped with their grief before conceiving again, and most everyone feels they haven't at some point in their pregnancy. Don't try again just because everyone else thinks it would be best for you. The decision is personal.

• A new baby deserves the very best you can give him/her. That means being as healthy as possible both physically AND emotionally before, during and after you conceive. If you are still deeply immersed in grief, it may be difficult to give a new baby 100% of you. A new baby is not a band-aid for the grief of pregnancy loss.

• You may experience a bittersweet feeling when discovering you are subsequently pregnant. You may feel excitement about the new baby and sadness about your lost baby. It will be a different kind of feeling than you experienced before. That's normal.

• Ask your doctor if you can have more frequent appointments, freedom to call at anytime with questions, or the opportunity to go to the office to hear your baby's heartbeat whenever you feel especially anxious. Having extra tests reassure some parents while being extremely stressful to others. Be open and honest with your care provider.

• Try to relax by doing things that make you feel good about the pregnancy. That may mean doing whatever you didn't do during your unsuccessful pregnancy. For example, some moms who were extremely ready for their baby who died find it very painful to prepare a nursery for the new baby. That's okay. You can always stop at the store on the way home from the hospital or have dad or grandma do some shopping for you. Or, if you were totally unprepared before, you may want to have everything set up and waiting. That's okay too. What is important is that you feel comfortable.

• Remember that every pregnancy is different and most do have positive outcomes. After a loss, many feel as though losing babies is the 'norm' for them, rather than having healthy babies. Try to redirect your thinking. Easier said than done? Perhaps - but try to focus on the new pregnancy and the promise of new life growing within instead of the "haunted womb" syndrome.

• Surround yourself with life. Make yourself aware that you are capable of nurturing living things. Sometimes, bereaved parents feel as though they have a dark cloud hanging over them. This, of course, isn't true, but when you've been so devastated, going through nine months of pregnancy may feel like a trip through the Twilight Zone. Find something you can nurture and love during this time - your family, a pet, a garden - anything that is living and you can watch thrive under your care and love.

• If you have sleep problems, some parents find it helpful to fantasize about comforting things while trying to go to sleep - creative visualization.

• Learning new things can be morale boosters. Try a new craft or take a fun class - nothing that takes too much brain power since concentration may be difficult. Try something fun you've always wanted to learn - as long as it's safe for you and baby.

• Keeping a diary during your pregnancy can be helpful. Seeing your feelings written down can help you make sense out of your emotions. Write letters to your baby.

• Try to take it one day at a time. Thinking about nine months of pregnancy can be overwhelming. Some find it helpful to set mini goals such as getting through the first trimester, etc. Achieving these mini goals gives you something to celebrate.

• Expect to feel uncomfortable if you're asked if it's your first pregnancy while subsequently pregnant. This can be a difficult question so thinking about it ahead of time can help you prepare an answer.

• Many moms fear not being able to cope with another loss. While we don't like to think negatively, it's important to remember that should you have another loss, you will find it within yourself to draw upon your previous experiences to pull you through.
• 
  
• Hopefully some of these suggestions will help you. The best advice I can offer is to give yourself time to grieve, try to rationally understand the difficulties of a subsequent pregnancy, educate yourself about your condition, and when you're ready, go for it. And - reach out for support.

Women Can Try Pregnancy Again ASAP After Miscarriage

Women who miscarry often ask their doctors how long they should wait before trying to have a child again. A new study shows that there is no reason for asking women to hold off trying to conceive.

Pregnancy after miscarriage

The World Health Organization (WHO) recommends waiting at least six months however, researchers are challenging that with new studies.

A Scottish researcher said their findings suggest the WHO guidelines need to be revisited. "Our data showed, that at least in Scottish women, there is no justification in delaying a pregnancy following an uncomplicated miscarriage," said lead researcher Dr. Sohinee Bhattacharya, a lecturer in obstetric epidemiology at the University of Aberdeen, Dugald Baird Centre for Research on Women's Health at Aberdeen Maternity Hospital in Aberdeen.

"This research will help health-care providers to counsel women regarding timing of future pregnancies and will allow couples to make informed choices based on hard evidence," Bhattacharya said.

For this study, Bhattacharya's team gathered data on 30,937 women who had had miscarriages in their first pregnancy and then became pregnant again. Thy found that women who got pregnant within six months were less likely to miscarry again, to have to terminate the pregnancy or to have an ectopic pregnancy compared with women who got pregnant six to 12 months after their miscarriage. They did find that some of these women were at a higher risk of induced labor. In addition, the study showed that for some of these women, they were less likely to have a cesarean delivery, have a premature delivery or have a low birth weight baby.

"Women over 35 are more likely to experience difficulties in conceiving, and women aged 40 years have a 30 percent chance of miscarriage, which rises to 50 percent in those aged 45 years or more. Any delay in attempting conception could further decrease their chance of a healthy baby," the researchers wrote.

Julia Shelley, an associate professor from the School of Health and Social Development at Deakin University in Melbourne, Australia said the study did not conclusively answer the question of when the best time was to get pregnant after a miscarriage.

"In research such as this study, it is not possible to tell whether the intervals between pregnancies were deliberately chosen, or were accidental or involuntary," Shelley said. "Consequently, we cannot really tell whether pregnancies conceived very soon after a miscarriage really do have better outcomes, or whether women [and couples] who conceive quickly following a miscarriage have better outcomes in a subsequent pregnancy than couples who take longer to conceive."

"I think we can say that the study suggests that there is no harm in conceiving again immediately following a miscarriage," Shelley said.

She added, "I don't think the study provides good evidence that pregnancies conceived six to 12 months following a miscarriage will have poorer outcomes than those conceived more quickly. For example, the higher rate of pregnancy terminations in pregnancies conceived between 6 and 12 months may mean that more of these pregnancies are unintended."

"I agree women should wait a couple of months after a miscarriage then try again, but we really never had the hard evidence why we do that," said Dr. George Attia, an associate professor of obstetrics and gynecology at University of Miami Miller School of Medicine. He stated. "It's good to find a study that supports our way of thinking.”