* the loss and the feeling of being cheated of the joyful experience of pregnancy and birth and possibly future ones and also the festivities around that
* the loss of our dreams for this child and the future our family would have had together - we had made plans for life
* the loss of being able to call ourselves a mother (if no previous pregnancies)
* the loss of access to successful womanhood (in our own or others eyes)
* the loss of trust in the body we feel has betrayed us
* the actual physical loss and the fear that can be felt from the amount of blood passed
* the confusion and dismay when experiencing a 'blighted ovum' when there is only an empty sac
* the loss of innocence for future pregnancies
* the loss of the belief system we didn't even necessarily recognize we held that says "this won't happen to me"
* the loss of our basic trust in life and the insecurity of a less predictable world
* the loss of control over our expectations of life
* the loss of the achievement of a goal we had set for ourselves (this may not have been experienced before)
* the loss of self-confidence
* the loss of control of our feelings
* the threat of loss of our identity
* the failure to reproduce when the body is giving monthly signals of fertility
* the illogical but real sense of shame, guilt or embarrassment
* the worries or fears that this amount of grief (over what is often seen as a minor blip in life) cannot be normal
* the feeling we should hide our loss and not talk about it as others think we are over-reacting
* to be unable to do what other women seem easily able to do as a 'natural part of life' and our jealousy and anger of that
* the loss or change in relationships (sometimes permanently) as we experience others lack of understanding and the isolation and loneliness this causes
* dealing with others' inappropriate comments, some with the best of intentions
* dealing with the thoughtless attitude of others, who have children without experiencing problems, which can be complacent, smug or pitying (perhaps unintentionally)
* dealing with our feelings over others' pregnancies (relatives being even more difficult), especially when they are due around the time we would have been and then later their new babies
* our strong reaction when we observe children being mistreated, feeling how precious they would be to us
* the 'what ifs’ or 'if onlys’ that may result from us not even knowing we were pregnant
* the thought that we didn’t love our baby enough to keep it alive
* the thought that we have somehow killed our baby, or we did something wrong
* the longing for our baby not to be taken away with a D&C even when we know he or she is dead
* the difficulty in understanding how hard it is to miss someone we have never met
* the difficulty adjusting back to normal life again, missing not having to be consciously aware of things that may affect our baby; like what we eat or drink and the limitations we may have put on physical movement
* the loss of our last chance of having a child because of our age
* the loss of our last chance to conceive because of the inability to pay or be eligible for further IVF treatment
* the feeling we have let our partner/others down
* the guilt and confusion if we have previously had an abortion
* the sometimes harsh judgments we make about ourselves
* the little anticipation of grieving when the miscarriage happens very suddenly with no warning
* the pain of not knowing the baby's sex
* the pain of not ever knowing the cause of loss
* miscarriage is a grief with no picture memories and so few others
* continuing to grieve for what might have been - all those possibilities
* the realization of the price paid preparing to become a mother and the fear that we may have to experience the same loss again
* the subsequent anxiety felt for the physical safety of our children when or if they are born
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